Sunday, September 7, 2008

Spiritual story (John)

Following the trend, here is a short account of my spiritual journey. I grew up going to church, but I doubted the existence of God at a fairly young age and became an atheist. Throughout high school, I struggled with drug addiction out of my feeling of the meaninglessness of life. Even then, I suppose, I had a yearning for spiritual depth: in spite of my atheism, I spent many afternoons in my room saying Hare Krishnas—if only for the psychological value—but I never committed myself to any real spiritual practice. After going through rehab, my parents (to my chagrin at the time) signed me into Teen Challenge, an Assembly of God affiliated ministry for people with life-controlling issues. After some time there, the love of God manifested through the staff members and other students there led me to reconsider my atheistic convictions. I returned to Christianity with renewed hope for the future and a strong desire to know the God who restored purpose and direction to my life.

Even then, contemplation played a strong part in my practice of faith. I read Dostoevsky ravenously and was enriched by the life of Alyosha, the young man adjured to be a “monk in the world” in The Brothers Karamazov. In addition to the charismatic worship of Teen Challenge, I also came to appreciate silence and tradition—in the most meaningful sense of that word.

At Southeastern, after writing an exegetical paper on Paul's prayer in Eph. 3 (a very “mystical” prayer), Dr. Waddell recommended I read Thomas Keating. From there, I picked up John of the Cross and some other classic Christian mystical texts. I quickly discovered RC as a resource (as so many others of this group) and spent many afternoons in his office as he graciously explained to me “what this all meant” and how to incorporate this type of spirituality into my daily life.

As I still work toward that goal, mostly content to always be a beginner on that journey, I'm exceedingly grateful for this group that's sharing that pilgrimage. I am reminded of this quotation from Evelyn Underhill: “we realize the very best we are likely to achieve in the world of prayer will be a small part in a mighty symphony; not a peculiarly interesting duet. When our devotional life seems to us to have become a duet, we should listen more carefully. Then we shall hear a greater music, within which that little melody of ours can find its place.”

4 comments:

living stones said...

John, thank you for sharing. You've told your story here in a very meaningful way. You've told me most of it before, of course, but it is good to hear it again. I was in that class with Dr. Rob with you. (My paper wasn't life changing, though.) I know that I more or less just said this, but I repeat: I am truly edified by you sharing this here. --Paul

RC said...

John, this means a lot! It is a gift to us. This kind of sharing strengthens all of us and our interconnections with one another. It's very meaningful, and I'm grateful--
--RC

Daniel said...

It's encouraging for me to catch a little note of your "melody." Indeed, I believe your commitment to a deeper spiritual journey finds a fitting part in the "greater music." In other words: thanks for sharing your story, John.

living stones said...

John, Thanks so much for sharing your story. It means a lot to hear your tender spirit, and I really liked the quote from Underhill-- “When our devotional life seems to us to have become a duet, we should listen more carefully. Then we shall hear a greater music, within which that little melody of ours can find its place.”
I so want to listen more carefully. Blessings, Anna

Blog Archive