A Complex Combination

John 1:39: Jesus said, “Come along and see.”

Psalm 34: Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see— how good GOD is. Blessed are you who run to him.

In my Ecology, Theology, and Literature class we have just finished reading For the Beauty of the Earth by Steven Bouma-Prediger. Among the many things I’ve learned two stand out: I’m not at the center of things, and I’m certainly not in control. Annie Dillard’s biting quote makes this stunningly important point, “…(at church) we should all be wearing crash helmets. Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares…the waking god may draw us out to where we can never return.” Dillard's words have a forbidding air. God isn’t tame. He’s wild and unpredictable. This needs to be noted and remembered. But I know I didn’t sign up for this Christian life because I was afraid or wanted to win arguments (although I appreciate and value clear, strong reasoning). I joined the family of God because I was drawn by God’s love. I saw God’s love in people I could hang out with, just like Andrew did with Jesus when he asked, "Teacher, where are you staying?" Jesus replied, "Come along and see for yourself." And Andrew ended up spending the day with Jesus. In fact, the first thing Andrew did after finding where Jesus lived was find his own brother, Simon, telling him, "We've found the Messiah.” He immediately led him to Jesus. And we know how that connection ends: Simon is renamed Peter and becomes a rock Jesus can build on.

That’s what I call a solid foundation, but God’s been in the drawing-us-to-him business for a very long time. For example, Psalm 34 directs me to open my mouth and taste, open my eyes and see how good GOD is. This is where His love tugs at me in a different way, and I’m happy to spend time appreciating God in the taste of rain; ripe, red strawberries fat with rain and sun; His rainbow over the soaked strawberry field and over the wet workers in the strawberry field; and God’s warm kiss on my lips when I say his name with thanksgiving in my heart for it all.

There is a lot of value in recognizing that God is wild and unpredictable. But it is crucial to also remember that God is Love. It’s a complex combination, but I’m not confused. “Come along and see,” he says. I’m full of hope and running toward him open, open, open.
--Anna

I Must Be Healing

I walk often, although I’ve put it off for about two weeks because I hurt my right foot tripping over a curved chair leg, sticking out like a giant comma. (Obviously I missed my cue to slow down and pause.) Well, I’ve missed my regular morning walks--the way they help me start my day with quietness and confidence, strengthening me with every step. I’ve missed seeing the way the sky looks when it’s still dark and dotted with starry colons and periods and a capital O of a glowing moon. Or at first light when a growing grayness creeps slowly across the papery horizon defining the familiar landscape of trees, houses, and an old pasture where I frequently experience the cows rising stiffly to greet me. And I bow, smile, and tell them good morning in return. And I've missed seeing when the sun is rising and clouds are strewn haphazardly in ever changing purples and reds. This morning the sky was one of those skies--an artist's messy palate that's somehow beautiful before a single stroke meets a waiting canvas. Later I expect the clear definition of white, puffy balls of vapor filling an endless blue space punctuated with a powerful yellow period, declaring God is in his heaven and everything I’m getting ready to face—the anxiety of traveling in traffic, meeting deadlines, paying bills, and washing dirty laundry—everything will be manageable. I’m celebrating my walk today, and I’m happy to know I’ll be back treading the neighborhood again tomorrow because my foot isn’t hurting too much. I must be healing—hurray!
--Anna

A Rubric for Measuring Your Spirituality

"But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself. For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord. Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts; and then each man’s praise will come to him from God" (I Corinthians 4:3-5).

                                

Category The categories list indicators of spiritual progress.	Raw Score Score yourself in each category on a scale of 1 (sinner) to 10 (saint).	Weight Some indicators of spiritual progress are more important than others. Multiply your raw score by the weight factor given for each category to get your weighted score.	Weighted Score Add all of the weighted scores together to get the true measure of your spirituality.
Testimony		x 0	=
Church attendance		x 0	=
Tithe and offering		x 0	=
Prayer and worship		x 0	=
Control over external sins		x 0	=
Missions trips		x 0	=
Control over internal sins		x 0	=
How close you feel to God		x 0	=
How much others look up to you as a spiritual person		x 0	=
Any other category by which you might try to measure your own spiritual progress		x 0	=
God’s view of you		x 100	=
Total Spirituality Score:

After being on the spiritual journey for some time, we may feel that we've really made some progress. But then we may slowly or suddenly run into a patch where we feel that that progress was all an illusion. For instance, I get so irritated when my two-year old daughter cries and whines over the slightest things--she's always crying! and whining!--I can't stand it! But then, I think, Where did the fruit of the spirit go? Wasn't I more patient than this a year ago? Shouldn't I be even more patient than ever by now?

The wisdom of St. Paul in the passage quoted above is very useful here. He points to an authentic humility, neither inflating nor deflating one's sense of one's self but rather giving the whole matter over to God. There are no meaningful measures--church attendance, feelings of holiness, amount of giving, time spent in prayer--by which we might rightly judge our own progress. What seems like a slump might be a time of hidden growth. What seems like regression in one area might be a time when one is growing in another area. What seems like great progress may be in fact only a little progress. Only God has an accurate perspective. 

Constant self-assessment is counterproductive, as it takes time, adds worry, and is bound to be inaccurate. Students learning to write often lose control over skills that they had already mastered while they are working on new skills. For instance, their grammar may become sloppy for a time while they are working on critical thinking. In such cases, they may seem to regress while in fact they are making significant progress. The same seems to be the case in the spiritual life. 

What I think the answer is is this. Seek God's perspective the best you can. But don't worry about how far you have come or not come. Instead, gently--though sometimes also fervently--keep on practicing, practicing the spiritual disciplines, practicing the presence of God, practicing the fruit of the spirit. And leave the results or lack of results to God who knows and loves us more than we know or love ourselves.

May we do this.