I joined this community because I needed a freer, quieter, humbler way to be with God and desired to have relationships with people who want that too--a safe place to become rooted in God's love. It's not that I'm crazy about centering prayer--honestly, I sometimes sit through the better part of a centering session staring at everyone's shoes. But sitting in silence, opening myself to Love in a community of people who are doing that too is good for me. And sharing with and listening to people on the same mysterious journey I'm on seems to be the best way to keep myself going.
My spiritual journey has been a strange one. I didn't grow up in a Christian home; in fact, my brother and I are still the only Christians in my family. My only exposure to the message of Christianity as a child were a few years in the Mormon Church (in which I was baptized) and a step-grandfather who sat in an armchair reading a big black Bible for much of the day. Still, (thanks to my New Age mom and God's grace) I had an early love for God and a desire for goodness which left me very open to spirituality. At fourteen I started attending a charismatic church and entered a deeply personal (and emotional) relationship with God. Mostly I stayed in church because of the community I found there; I developed long-lasting, meaningful relationships with my spiritual mentors who took me in like a little lost sheep and loved and encouraged me and provided me with the safe, spiritually nourishing environment I had always desired as a child. Even when I became disillusioned with that particular expression of Christianity and much too cynical to be a good evangelical I did not lose my faith in Christian community.
About two years ago I started reading Merton and talking about his writings with John, which was a very positive turning point for me. I went to England for a semester at Oxford, where I sometimes attended Anglican services--and I felt amazingly at home, strangely moved by the thoughtfulness and tradition I found there. I took a lot of walks, talked to John a lot, and got very quiet before God. Away from what had been a frustrating spiritual environment for me and free to explore spirituality for myself, I discovered the immenseness of God's grace. My spiritual sustenance consisted mostly of poetry, liturgy, the parks, writing, and waiting--and that's mostly how it is now, too.
When I returned to Lakeland I discovered the wonder that is lectio divina and the small community that gathered to pray and share the spiritual journey together. I found a community that was both intellectual and spiritual, peppered with many personalities and people. For me, it was about being part of something real and deep and beautiful, which is what our community is, even though many of us are now spread out across the country. About seeing others, listening to one another, caring, learning from each other and from God. Through my reading, college experiences, and this community I have come to see spirituality as a process and a journey, rather than a race or a destination. A journey into love.
--Erica
